COMPUTER DAZE!

WHY ME LORD?

Ever find yourself looking towards heaven and crying out this familiar phrase? The times I most often hear it emanate from my lips is when I'm trying to make some changes to my computer system. This time it should have been real simple. Changing my ISP from a dial up to a cable modem. Sounds simple right? Just call 'em up and have 'em do it.

That works fine for any other house on your block. Would have worked well for this house except!!! My computer was manufactured in the bowels of hell.

I'll back up a bit.

Since my recent surgery my daughter has come over to keep an eye on me. You know, make sure I don't go through the fall over and can't get up scenario. She brought her computer over and the 2 machines sit near side by side. She is not satisfied with my dialup service and has convinced me I need to upgrade services. I was ready for the change and agreed amiably. Cable comes in and with a router both computers are hooked to it. Hers works wonderfully. Mine will not. I have been through 1 week plus of hell trying to make this stupid machine work. Her still connects fine. I thought for sure I would have them both mucked up by now and I could kill them both with a hammer, but no. Just mine is the one I'm gonna get to beat mercilessly.

I can still get online through the dialup but the cable company will not issue my machine an IP address. I force fed an IP address and it worked for 2 days. But static numbers are not acceptable. They issued a new IP and my machine will not accept/read it. I'm left blowin' in the wind... Daughters computer still works fine. Worst thing is I was quickly spoiled with the speed of the cable. That is when I get it to work for an hour at a time. In a couple days my daughter will go back to her house, take her machine and really leave me in a tizzy. Good thing I'm bald so I won't be tearing my hair out.

I call up the cable company and they go through some major changes trying to find the problem. They read my daughters machine fine. Mine is there in a hazy 'Wizard of Oz', 'man behind the curtain' sort of way. I call emachines (my manufacturer). They send me to websites that tell me to try stuff I did a week ago without their help. MS/WINXP pages are only there to fill in the blank spots on the internet. Device troubleshooters take one in a circle only to say, "Don't take your paycheck to Vegas buddy, cuz you are out of luck!" I Google the problem (on my daughters machine when I can get her away from it). I get some techy geeks talking acronyms that would leave Bill Gates scratching his head. Working different wire configurations I catch and stop myself from ripping the wires out of both machines.

Worst thing is I know it is 'one setting' in the deepest recesses of my computer that needs a simple mouse click. Perhaps I could get to it with this screwdriver and putty knife.

AND through all this I have not had a smoke for I quit counting how how many days. - OK, I had to count - 19 days. - I did break down and had a stick of gum yesterday. Sort of stale. Don't know how long it had been in the drawer. I do figure that if the stress level I've gone through with this stupid computer has not driven me back to smoking then I'm pretty much in the clear on that end.

Breath Deep, Self Control, Think Happy Thoughts, and Set the Hammer Down...