Saturday, May 21, 2005

Yard Sale for All Notions

My cousin decided it was time to reduce the amount of her worldly possessions not to enter a more ascetic lifestyle but to increase the living space which Providence had allotted her. Annie (fake name to protect the innocent and guilty) collected a good size pile of stuff***

- *** STUFF(n.) things that take up space and are saved with the knowledge that you will need them someday. That is, the same day you cannot find them -

In the collection were books, clothes, nick-nacks, some furniture and other odds-and-ends.

Little did Annie realize that placing an advert in the local paper announcing a garage sale would open the door to the Twilight Zone. It was not long after the paper came out that she received a call (Never put your phone number in a garage sale advert) asking if there was any lingerie for sale. She thought about it, remembered there was a couple items and told the caller, "Yes".

The caller asked if he could bring his camera and would she model it for him? Without a word, for fear invectives would be released and only encourage the guy, she terminated the call. - CLICK - A few other calls she received reaffirmed her faith in humanity. That is, most people are of good character and the first call was just a nut or a joker. One of the latter calls she assured a gentleman that there were clothes for larger women. Another call she gave the scope of subjects the books covered.

The day of the sale came and during a lull in customers one person in a nicely tailored pastel pink jump suit parked nearby and came up the driveway. As the customer approached my cousin realized it was not a woman as she had first thought. A few words of conversation and she recognized the voice as the man asking about the larger size women's clothes. He went right to the racks (poles across 2 ladders) and started going through the clothes.

Pulling a nice sequined dress from its hangar he said he hoped she wouldn't mind if he tried it on first, took a couple steps into the open garage and proceeded to take off the jump suit. My cousin was a bit surprised. I would say 'taken aback' but that is so cliche'ish. Sounds like something that Dickens would use. Lets just say she was surprised. She did tell me that his brassiere and panties were stylish and would not clash with the dress.

After he put the dress on he asked and she brought a small mirror which was close at hand. It was difficult for him to see the full effect of the dress in such a small mirror. At this point Annie's daughter and granddaughter came out of the house. Both were taken aback by the situation (I know, I plagiarised the line from Dickens. So sue me.) but quickly fell into the swing of things. After all this was a yard sale and the purpose of yard sales is to get rid of stuff. They affirmed the dress was darling.

The granddaughter picked up a handbag and declared the dress adorable but it needed accessories. She declared it would not be for sale had it been a few sizes smaller and wasn't it a shame the shoes would not fit. Setting the prices up a tad in order to give a deal by coming down they finally had a sale. Annie sent the ever helpful granddaughter in to get her a drink of water and saved the young girl from seeing the dress get peeled off and the customer re-attired in the jumpsuit. Friendly waves all around and Annie decided the next spring cleaning Salvation Army gets the entire load...