Detainee Package Abuse Now Center of Investigation!

It is now a Red Crescent package that is at the root of prisoner abuse in Guantanamo. Cadres of liberal lawyers poured forth into the streets of U.S. cities screaming, "Pick me to represent him! Pick me!"

At the center of this melee the tear stained package remains unopened. "I'm just too upset to even wonder if there are dried figs in it." said Hoshinin Yureer as more tears fell from his eyes. It seems the package was handed to Hoshinin upside down and backwards.

"It was like I was slapped in the face!" he said. "And there was a rubber stamp used on this package that had an alcohol base in the ink. It is tainted and unclean." He continued, sobbing, "Now I am unclean and will have no way to collect my 72 virgins even if I could remove from this planet enough infidel dogs to make Allah smile at the bloodshed..."

Attempts to interview the brutal U.S. guard were met with a stone wall. "That's the wall right there ya basterd." were the words given to the news correspondent. "We set him up right there and shot him so you basterds would'na be able to interrogate him. We put him outta his miserable existence so you *&*#! would'na put him through hell!" U.S. Soldiers have been complaining of abuse by U.S. & foriegn news correspondents.