Friday, December 09, 2005

Both Liberals and Conservatives Demand Government Handouts!

Envoys from the two major camps of American politics converged on Washington DC today to make demands of the government. Both the liberals and conservatives met at the gates of the White House and quick thinking gate guards averted a riot by separating the groups to the right hand and left hand sides of the gates. Slight jostling as positions were taken was all the contact between the opponents.

Conservatives demanded free kits for washing out ear wax be distributed to all liberals throughout the country.

"It is obvious that liberal groups need these kits because they cannot hear the words, 'Bush didn't lie'.", said a man identifying himself as Red Stater. "It has been shown over and over again for the past couple years that everyone, even leaders of other countries, thought Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. He even gassed his own countrymen. The libs keep screaming, 'Bush Lied, NO WMD's', and can't hear when they are told it is not an issue. Bush did not lie. He may have been misled but he did not purposefully mislead the people of the U.S.A.. We want their ears washed out and we feel that the only way they will do it is if they get the kits for free on the government dole."

The liberals on the other hand were demanding that bottles of Ipecac be distributed to everyone left of center. The leader of the group, Chuck Tupp, stated, "We need this stuff because it is getting harder and harder to regurgitate the pap the Democratic party and the mainstream media keeps feeding us. It is the government's duty to supply us with Ipecac as part of health care entitlements."

Many Democrats have been looking at the news, listening to Dean, Polosi and Kerry and finding it hard to spit the talking points out. Some are not even swallowing the daily transcripts from the DNC.

Said one recent convert from Democrat to Republican, "I had to switch parties. I couldn't swallow the garbage any more. The dry heaves are not fun."