Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Eternal Atheist Jokes

Not to be outdone by Christians atheists have opened a brand new dial-a-prayer service.

Dial the number and nobody answers.


A young lad who's parents were atheists upset them recently by asking them, "Do you think God knows we don't believe in Him?


An atheist was fixing his house when he smacked his thumb real hard with a hammer.

"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.

Suddenly, in seconds, clouds blew overhead darkening the sky. The atmosphere seemed to thicken making it difficult to breath. An electric snap seemed to be in the very air around him and a gentle voice said, "Don't blame me. I wasn't holding the hammer."


A local Catholic priest and a Presbyterian pastor were fishing by the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn around before it's too late!" and set it up so passing cars could see it.

A couple of cars stopped and the occupants chatted with the religious men. Both felt moved by the conversation, believed the holy men of God, turned around and went back the way they had come.

An atheist driving along quickly read the sign and shouted at them, "You religious nuts are all full of crap!", as he sped past.

A few moments later the priest and the pastor heard a big splash.

They looked at each other and the priest said to the pastor, "Perhaps we should have just written 'Bridge Out' instead?"


Two atheists were talking and one said, "I'll prove there is no God. If there is a God there must be a devil and I adjure him to come and take me to hell!"

Suddenly, a puff of smoke, and a repulsive demonic figure smelling of sulfur appeared and dragged the man kicking and screaming away into another puff of smoke. Both instantly disappeared.

The second atheist said, "Hmmm... Perhaps it would have been smarter to try having God to take him to heaven first."


There was a Christian lady who lived in an apartment next to an atheist. Everyday the lady prayed loudly enough that the atheist could hear her through the thin walls. The atheist thought, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there is no God?"

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was going to do. The atheist heard her praying and thought to himself. "Well I'll teach her a lesson!"

He zipped to the grocery store, bought a bunch of groceries, took them to her door, rang the door bell and then hid around the corner to see her reaction.

She opened the door, saw the groceries and began to praise the Lord with all her might. Jumping, singing and shouting "Hallelujah!"

The atheist then came out and told her, "You're nutty lady! God didn't buy you that stuff. I bought those groceries!"

Well, she broke out and started shouting and praising the Lord even louder.

When she finally quieted a bit he asked if she misunderstood what he had told her.

She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know He was going to have an atheist pay for them!"

Thanks to Cary for the following:

God Bless you all!

Legal Disclaimer: The aforementioned "blessing," while given freely, is in no manner warrented, guaranteed, or contracted to actually deliver a blessing, real or imagined, unless the blessee wishes to receive said blessing in the manner in which it was given; i.e., with the love and grace of God, in the Chrisitan belief system, with no expection of reciprocation.

Technorati Tags -