Needs More Pepper

An old joke from an old book. Time for it to make the rounds again...

An old sailor sat down at a table in a greasy spoon near the docks and gave the waitress his order. A short while later she returned and placed it in front of him.

"Here Miss! Here! What's this?" The sailor asked.

"Why that's the soup you ordered sir." she replied.

"SOUP! SOUP IS IT? So that what I've been sailing on for these past 40 years."

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Merry Christmas To Both Sides of the Aisle.

I has to drag this out of hybernation from last year just in case some of you missed it.

For My Democratic Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

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Real Old Joke

A while back I read a line that I took to heart. "Every good joke should make the rounds every twenty years or so." This is because there is a new crop of people to tell 'em to.

Here is one I got from a joke book that is from 1921. - 'Bout time it came out again.

In a very rural courtroom a chicken stealing case was before the bench. The culprit pleaded guilty and was duly sentenced but the circumstances of the case had provoked the curiosity of the judge.

"Sam", the judge asked. "However did you manage to take those chickens and carry them off right past the owner's bedroom window with that big savage dog loose in the yard?"

Sam said, "Hit wouldn't be of no use, jedge, to try to 'splain dis ting to you-all. Ef you was to try it you more'n likely would get your hide full o' shot, get bit up an' git no chickens nuther. Ef you want to engage in any rascality jedge you better stick to de bench, whar you am familiar."

Speaking of rascality from the bench - Pribek - over at Trouble Ain't Over - Posted on a court case where the organist that played on a well known tune sued for a share in the copyright 38 years after the song hit the charts. The Jedge awarded a 40% share in the copyright of A Whiter Shade of Pale. -

FTGF has a YouTube Christmas message from Chaplain Jim White in Bagdhad. Click on over and view it. Quite good and the man, even though he is a Government employee, BOLDLY associates Christmas with Jesus. Wait till the ACLU sees this one!

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Next time someone objects to your saying "Merry Christmas" hit 'em with this. Our English word 'holiday' is derived from the word 'holyday'. "Happy Holydays!"
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Jokes Are Not Funny Anymore!

I recieved this joke via email. From someone who will remain unnamed at this point in time because I do not wish his email box to be overflowing with hatemail. To those who wish all jokes to be against rocks, flowers and anything except dearly beloved vegetables or people please quit reading now.

You have been warned.

Joke follows:

Welfare in Mexico :

Question - When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what does the Government give you?

Ok. This is a riddle and not a joke. I know there is a difference. It is funny only if you have a twisted mind. You will laugh only if you think that humans are less than human. You won't laugh if are of the mindset that jokes that utilize people in any way, shape, manner or form are uncaring and cruel.

Like those firemen that that gave their co-worker dogfood. You know. The guy that accused his co-workers of being racists. If you are on his side and think he deserved 2.7 million dollars because his nickname was 'Big Dog' click the X in the upper right corner NOW.

~~~~~

Still here? Good. I hope to "Keep out the riffraff" as Roger Dahlhjelm said. (Running a search won't work. You have to buy the book or email me. I read the book.)

It is questions like this that make you realize that although you are not racist at heart you do enjoy jokes that hit people where they live. Be it in the country either you or they live in. Doesn't matter which. You don't consider being from a particular country as belonging to a particular race.

Ok. Enough space on this post has occurred so that those who love riddles and don't want the punch line revealed right away (so they can think about and guess the answer to prove to themselves (***No one else wants to be around them so they only have themselves to prove it to***) that they are really smart even though nobody else wants to be around them etc....


This is for you....

~~~~~
Oh Darn! Where did that email/punchline go?

Scheesh! I opened and closed to many windows.

Oh, Here it is!
~~~~~

Answer - A map of the United States !!!

prying1 sez:
Hope you remembered the original question.

If not perhaps you should have clicked the X when I said to.

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Season's Greetings & Happy Holidays Oh, and Merry Christmas...

Don't know who wrote this but I had to post it. I'd love to give credit. It conveys my feelings exactly!

I can say, I recieved it from this eBayer, who always has some great items listed!

For My Democratic Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:

Here's wishing all of You a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year